Tag Archives: child custody

Holidays and Custody

How to Ease the Holiday Stress

Family,

Holidays can be a difficult and stressful time when they have to be shared between two households, but they don’t have to be.  There are many things a divorced or separated parent can do to ease the stress of the holidays for you and your children:

 

  1. Holidays and CustodyIf possible, try to coordinate gift-giving for the children. This can help avoid duplication of gifts for the children and also help avoid a feeling of competition of who is giving the better gift.

 

  1. When it comes to the holiday custody schedule, don’t get upset if a parent is a little late for the exchange, and try to accommodate if a parent requests to drop off an hour later than normal, as long as it does not interfere with plans you have. A little flexibility and consideration will go a long way to reduce stress and help your child transition between parents.

 

  1. Don’t be afraid to start new traditions. Parents often want to maintain traditions for the holidays, and while it is important to maintain those traditions if you can, when parents separate, it can make maintaining those traditions more difficult and more stressful for the family.  Incorporating new traditions into your plans can be fun for you and the children.

 

  1. Make sure the children know what to expect with the holiday custody schedule. The holiday custody schedule is typically different than the regular custody schedule and making the children aware of the changes so they know in advance can help reduce their stress.

 

Everyone wants to enjoy the holidays and trying to minimize the stress is key.  Keep your focus on your children and enjoy the memories you create during the holiday season.

 

child custody

How to Help Children Cope with Divorce

Child Custody,

How to Help Children Cope with DivorceThere is no question that separation or divorce is stressful on everyone involved, but it can be particularly stressful for children of the separating or divorcing couple.  The degree of stress varies, though, as not all children will react the same to this significant life event.

Depending on the age of your child, you may see visible signs of stress if you are going through a divorce or separation.  Your toddler may struggle with transitions between households, which can bring on changes in their eating habits or sleep patterns.  Your well-behaved elementary school child may start acting out with classmates or teachers.  Your smiling teen may become angry, sullen and resentful.

There are many things that you can do to help children cope with divorce or separation:

  1. Making every effort to respectfully and amicably co-parent with your ex is the best way to help your child cope with the transition.
  2. Keep the kids out of the middle by not seeking information from your son about your ex’s household or expecting your daughter to convey information to your ex about divorce or custody issues.
  3. Monitor your children’s friendships and social media activity for signs of concern and maintain an open-door communication policy with your children

You may not see any signs of stress in your child, but that does not mean he or she is not suffering; they may just be doing so silently because they do not want you to see how the separation or divorce is affecting them.

They are the children of clients who tell me that Joey is fine or Janie is handling things well.  Your child may be fine with the separation or divorce because it means less stress in their lives if their parents are no longer arguing and at odds, but they may also be struggling and unsure of how to tell you.

Whether your child is showing obvious signs of stress or seems to be just fine with the separation or divorce, it is important to consider consulting with a mental health professional to, at a minimum, give your children extra tools to cope.

Consider Working with a Mental Health Professional

I have worked with many mental health professionals throughout my career in family law, and one thing that I have heard repeatedly from most of them is that parents should be encouraged to engage a mental health professional at the start of a separation to evaluate exactly how their children are managing and adapting.   Because children’s reactions to a separation or divorce can change as time progresses, the benefit of engaging a child therapist early in your separation or divorce is so the professional is available at any time during the transition.

Sometimes a therapist will agree that the child is doing quite well in the beginning and Mikey or Mindy does not need therapy at the present time.  However, if an issue arises as the separation or divorce advances, the therapist has already met the child and is familiar with the situation and can quickly step in to help.

Finally, don’t forget to practice self-care if you are going through a separation or divorce.  Managing your stress level will help your kiddo manage his or hers.

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Child Custody and Adoption

National Adoption Day

Child Custody,

Child Custody and AdoptionNovember 17th was National Adoption Day.  Adoptions are one of the few truly joyous moments that a family law practitioner has the honor of facilitating.  Pennsylvania has an Adoption Act codified at 23 Pa.C.S. § 2101, et seq. which discusses both the termination of parental rights and the adoption of the child.  It is a two step-process in Pennsylvania since the rights of a natural parent can be terminated voluntarily or involuntarily in Pennsylvania, and termination of parental rights must occur before the adoption can commence.  Depending upon the county and their local rules, the termination and adoption petitions must be filed simultaneously and the hearing may be contiguous.

Step-parent adoptions exist, as well as private adoptions, adoptions through agencies and international adoptions.  Each adoption has its own set of requirements which may include a home visit, counseling, report of an intermediary and/or counsel appointed for the child.  A voluntary agreement for continuing contact with the child following the termination of parental rights may also be part of the adoption process.

Hearings are required to formalize the termination and adoption, even if the natural parent consents to the termination of his/her parental rights, and service of petitions and orders are part of the court process.  Understandably, the Court takes the termination of a natural parent’s rights very seriously; therefore, the adoption process is highly regulated with specific rules of procedure and conduct.

Our attorneys welcome the opportunity to discuss your situation, whether it is a step-parent adoption, private adoption or adoption through an agency, and assist you with the process.  We have represented clients in the involuntary termination of parental rights, where termination is highly contested, as well as with step-parent adoptions where the natural parent has consented.  We have also assisted clients in negotiating a continuing contact agreement following the termination that is in the child’s best interest.

The attorneys at Daley Zucker Meilton & Miner, LLC are here to assist you with your adoption needs.  Please feel free to call us at (717) 724-9821.

Child Custody

Custody Schedules During the Holidays

Child Custody

Child CustodyAs some of the major holidays are approaching, now is an excellent time to locate and dust off your custody order and read through it, especially those paragraphs that discuss Trick-or-Treat, Thanksgiving, Hanukkah, Christmas, Kwanza and/or New Years. If the parties entered into an agreement, the holiday provisions probably are second-nature since the parties negotiated the terms of the custody order. However, if the parties litigated and someone else decided how the child(ren) would spend the holidays, the paragraphs addressing Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Year’s may not make sense.

Some custody orders may require the parties to share Trick-or-Treat or cooperate in scheduling Trick-or-Treat. This is where the courts and family law practitioners nostalgically hope the parties are able to co-parent swimmingly or the parties live in different townships wherein Trick-or-Treat occurs on separate evenings.

The custody order may split up Thanksgiving Day and Christmas Day into two, 24-hour consecutive periods. For example, the order may dictate that Mother shall exercise physical custody of the child(ren) in even-numbered years from the day before Thanksgiving at 2:00 p.m. until Thanksgiving Day at 2:00 p.m. (Segment A), and Father shall exercise physical custody of the child(ren) from Thanksgiving Day at 2:00 p.m. until Black Friday at 2:00 p.m. (Segment B). After that, the regular custody schedule shall commence. In odd-numbered years, Father shall exercise physical custody of the child(ren) during Segment A and Mother shall exercise physical custody of the child(ren) during Segment B.

Some custody orders divide the winter break and the holiday, so parties are not only forced to become familiar with the actual holiday schedule but also the time period in which the child(ren) are out of school. For example, Father may exercise physical custody during Segment A at Christmas in even-numbered years and also exercise physical custody during the last half of the winter break once the entire break is divided evenly, while Mother may exercise physical custody during Segment B at Christmas in even-numbered years and also exercise physical custody during the first half of the winter recess. This can, understandably, be very confusing and frustrating, and requires a meticulous review of the custody order.

Once the party knows what time period the order provides to them, plans with the extended family and friends can be formalized. All orders include a provision that parties are encouraged to cooperate and modify the terms of the order, particularly for family events, in the best interest of the child(ren). If you would prefer to change the holiday schedule, first reach out to the other party, in writing, to respectfully request if they will consider a revised schedule. Be willing to reach out early on and remain open-minded to finalize holiday plans that accommodate the best interest of the child(ren). If this cannot be accomplished, consider communicating with your family law attorney with sufficient notice to alter the provision of the custody order for that year. Planning ahead is crucial. The likelihood of the other party being willing to alter holiday plans on the eve of the holiday is slim.

Child Custody

Parenting Coordination – What is it and how does it work?

Child Custody

Child Custody lawOn August 9, 2018, The Supreme Court of Pennsylvania entered an order which authorizes the use of a Parenting Coordinator in custody cases involving repeated or intractable conflict between parties. The Rule provides that a Parenting Coordinator may be used in those judicial districts that chose to implement a parenting coordination program. This rule replaces a previous rule that prohibited the use of parenting coordination programs and the new rule takes care to outline, very specifically, the qualifications of those serving as parent coordinators (hereinafter referred to as PC’s) and delineates the authority of the PC. Each County Court will decide if the Parenting Coordination Program will be utilized in the County. The counties using PC’s will have to develop a set of local rules to implement the requirements set forth by the Supreme Court in Pa RCP 1915.ll-1, and each County Court will have to maintain a list of qualified individuals to serve as PC’s. To afford time for the local rules to be compiled and approved and to allow time for lists of qualified individuals to be collected, the effective date of the Rule is delayed until March 1, 2019. With that procedural background, let’s look briefly at the definition of a PC and the PC’s role in custody matters as defined by this new Rule.

A PC is a neutral third party appointed by the court to assist parents in resolving day to day parenting decisions with the goal to minimizing conflict, expediting decisions and hopefully enabling decisions to be reached without resorting to expensive litigation. A PC (at least under the Pennsylvania Rule) must be an individual “licensed to practice in the Commonwealth of Pennsylvania as either an attorney or a mental health professional.” (PA R.C.P. 1915.11-1 (b)). The Rule outlines requirements for specialized training in the parenting coordination process, mediation and domestic violence training.
A PC can be appointed only after a final custody order has been entered by a judge and is not to be used in every case. Instead, the PC should be appointed only in those cases that prove to have an intractable conflict between the parties which affect the implementation of the final custody order. PA R C P 1915.11-1(a)(2) explicitly rules out the appointment of a PC in cases where a protection from abuse order is in effect.
PA R.C.P. 1915.11-1 (d) provides the scope of authority of the PC, listing specifically what the PC may do and what the PC is prohibited from doing. The PC is authorized, to, among other things, make recommended resolutions to the court about the following issues:

  • Places and conditions for custodial transitions
  • Temporary variation from the custodial schedule for a particular circumstance
  • The child’s participation in extracurricular activities
  • Childcare arrangements
  • School issues, apart from school selection

The PC is precluded from making recommendations on the following:

  • A change in legal custody
  • A change in primary custody
  • A change in residence
  • Financial issues
  • Major decisions affecting health, education or religion of the children
  • Other matters indicated explicitly by the judge
  • The above lists are not all inclusive but indicate the extent and limitation of the PC’s powers.

Parents who contemplate utilizing a PC should keep in mind that the PC does not (or should not) function as the attorney, advocate, counselor, or psychotherapist for the parties, their children or for the family as a whole. The PC is, however, encouraged and permitted to facilitate communication and to promote agreement among the parties. As in all custody matters, the PC is directed to act in a manner that will advance the best interests of the children.

Mediation – An Excellent Approach to Resolving Divorce and Custody Matters

Divorce, ,

Mediation – we all hear about the use of mediation and mediators to assist management and major league football, basketball and hockey players resolve salary disputes.  This fall we listened as mediators assisted in the resolution of the Chicago teachers strike.

Mediation is a process that is contractually mandated in many business settings.  And for good reason – the process is effective, avoids litigation and in most instances permits disputing parties to resolve their differences and move on.  The mediation process can be just as effective and beneficial in helping individuals who are embroiled in divorce and custody disputes.

What is mediation?

The textbook definition of mediation is “a process in which a professionally-trained individual acts as an impartial third party to help resolve disputes.”  The mediator facilitates the negotiation process.  That definition works for labor disputes and disputes in the corporate world.  But, further explanation is necessary to explain why the process is just as effective for parties embroiled in family disputes.

The mediation process offers parties an opportunity to talk with each other in a safe neutral setting to see if they can resolve problems in a manner most appropriate to their individual situation.  The process helps parties have a conversation that permits them to decide issues, thereby guaranteeing that their lives and the lives of their children are decided by them and not by a Judge or other third party.

The process is designed to make the parties feel safe for several primary reasons.

First, it is completely voluntary.  Both parties have veto power and no one can be forced to reach an agreement with which they are not comfortable.  Either party can end a session, or, for that matter, stop the whole process at any time.  Even Court ordered mediation only requires that parties attend – not settle.

Second, the process is confidential.  The mediator talks to no one outside of a session, unless permission is given by both parties.  Likewise, the parties agree not to use in litigation, if that occurs, conversations from their mediation sessions.

Finally, the mediator is neutral and helps both parties identify what is important to him or her and to hear what is important to the other party.

The mediation process has been utilized successfully in all settings and should be seriously considered as an alternative to litigation in custody and divorce matters.

In a Pennsylvania divorce should couples consider remaining under the same roof?

Divorce, Family, , ,

It seems that more and more separating and divorcing couples are in a position where they continue to reside together for extended periods of time after one or both parties makes the decision to separate or divorce.  One reason for the decision to remain under the same roof is financial.  Often times couples are not in a financial position to separate.  Maybe one person may have been a homemaker and not work outside of the home, making living separate and apart financially impossible.  Or maybe the parties need to first sell the home which is difficult in this down real estate market.  Another reason that parties are continuing to remain together under the same roof is the children.

More and more couples do not want to move from their marital residence until there is some custodial arrangement in place for the children.  More often than not, both parties are actively involved with their children and want to ensure that they maintain that involvement after separation.  As a result, parties are choosing to remain under the same roof until some decision is made about a custody schedule for the children.  Prior to the amendments to the Pennsylvania Custody Laws which went into effect in January 2011, if parties were not able to agree on a custody schedule prior to separating from one another, they had to separate before they could proceed with a formal custody complaint.  While some counties in Pennsylvania would allow the filing of a complaint if a separation was imminent, the law did not specifically allow the filing and therefore, many counties would not entertain a custody complaint while parties were still living together…until now.  The custody law now specifically allows parties still residing together to pursue formal custody actions.  However, any order entered – whether by agreement or by court order – is not effective until the parties physically separate.

While the ability to file a custody action when parties are still living together has been helpful to those couples wanting a custody scheduling in place before separating, there are still a lot of unknowns that may impact the ability to determine what is in the best interest of the children.  First and foremost, where will the parties be living?  Will one be staying in the marital residence?  Will one or both parties they both be moving?  If so, where?  Are the children in school?  If so, will any move take a parent into a new school district?  These are just a few of the many questions to consider when pursing a custody action while still living together.  The more answers that parties have to these questions, the more prepared they will be in moving forward with a custody action prior to physically separating.